Final Reflection - Alyson

 

    It's now a few days after we got back, and, despite still being in a slightly sleep-deprived fugue state, it's time to write my final reflection. To do this, I want to return to what my goals were in applying for this J-Term class at the end of my first year. In my application essay, I state that learning about the "intricate context," of a musical work is both important and interesting to me as a performance major. "Not only do I need to know what the notes mean to me and today’s audience, but also what they meant to the composer and their contemporary audience." In watching our pre-departure documentaries, preparing my presentation, and watching my peers' presentations, I learned a lot about specific composers and works and then heard them that very same evening, played by the world's best ensembles.

    Speaking of performances, I also expressed my excitement to "witness performances by musicians and ensembles that provide much of the interpretive groundwork for what I do." I'm sure that, when I wrote this short essay almost 2 years ago, I was directly referring to ensembles like the Berlin Philharmonic, who quite literally are my go-to for figuring out how a symphonic work is supposed to sound. Little did I know that I would actually be able to hear them on this trip. I still can't believe that the pictures on my phone of the Berliner Philharmonie are my pictures that I took while there to hear Mendelssohn's Elijah. It was truly a bucket-list experience.

    Additionally, I mentioned how "I would love to get to walk around and experience the culture, art, and music that exist today in some of the cities I frequently come across in my research." As my right knee can attest, I definitely did quite a bit of walking. One of my favorite things to do, besides attending the wonderful performances, was just to walk around and look up. Whether rainy, sunny, or snowy, there was always a beautiful building in sight. I also quite enjoyed all the museums we got to go to, especially considering that I hadn't been to one since before the pandemic. Now that I write that, I realize actually hadn't been to a live performance outside of PLU since before the pandemic either. Nothing like some of the oldest museums and most prestigious ensembles to start that up again!

    In the other application essay, I discussed the challenges that I might face while studying away. The major one was my anxiety, particularly in social situations and large crowds of people. I'm really happy to say that I didn't have a single anxiety attack while studying away, which makes that month the first one in 5 years that is true for. I almost had one while taking the funicular up to the Salzburg fortress, but I was able to calm myself down and manage my stress from that point on. While in Prague, I called my parents and joked that I'm really good at stressing out about insignificant things, like talking to people, but when something actually stressful happens (like our issue with ticket validation) it doesn't affect me nearly as much as it probably should. Moving forward, I'm going to remind myself that I was able to handle everything well in 3 foreign countries, so I am definitely capable of talking to a cashier in English at the Walgreens down the street.

    To reuse part of a quote from my Vienna blog post, "I've never been moved to tears so quickly in my entire life. God I love music." Studying music is no cakewalk. It requires simultaneously separating yourself from certain critiques and putting your entire being into that which gets critiqued. Not the easiest balance to strike. Jumping through some of the hoops of getting my B.M. has been physically and mentally exhausting at times, and it's really easy to lose sight of the reasons I decided to do this. I haven't spent a month away from my instrument in over a decade, and doing so just before my junior recital this spring was, frankly, terrifying. I'm hopeful that I can keep these experiences in mind and use my renewed vigor for studying in a healthy, sustainable way for the remaining year and a half of my degree, if not for the rest of my life.